I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
