awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
this hospital has no fireball
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
