im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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