I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
