best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
