It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
