her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
