So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
