i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
