I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
