Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
