I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
