marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
