i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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