people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I did not marry a roomba.
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