i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
