Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
