what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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