i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
