Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
