it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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