You just made me feel so damn special
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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