he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
