I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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