im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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