i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
