3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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