The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
