whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
