I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
