I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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