I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
