I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
