ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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