And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
