Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
