I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
