I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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