Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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