Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
