People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
