After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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