She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His hands were made for my vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
