I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They took my balls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
