Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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