you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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