Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
