I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
