It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
