My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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