just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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