Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can't special order awesome
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
