Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
