Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
